[HEART TO HEART] The Same You, Again

Hey, you again. It’s me, again, the same stupid girl. Are you wondering what I am doing now? Perhaps yes, perhaps not. I just asked you what you are doing now three minutes ago via chat. (I wish you ask the same thing to me, though).
It has been 5 months, excluding one week we spent trying to figure out whether we wanted to bring stuffs we did into relationships or not. These are incredible 5 months, I must say. Roller-coaster chat, conversation, dates, games, movies, fights, insecurities, you can add more points here.
Let me tell you one secret, I’ve never planned in falling in love with you this deep, or loving you this deep, or sticking with you in this relationship this deep. I thought the comforts you gave to me in our first meeting will be enough for me, and no love would be involved. Why? It is because once I love, I love fierce, I don’t love casually, and sometimes it is a burden. I’ve been hurt too many times and I couldn’t handle it if I have go through that heartbreak once more. So, yeah, I’ve tried hard, so hard, to keep this heart in place. I know that was easy so easy to love you, and I kept telling myself that you might hurt me, that nothing lasts forever, that goodbye was around the corner. Therefore, I stayed at the verge of valley, preventing myself to jump. Perhaps, I could keep myself from falling to you by telling myself that love hurts. That was lie; I was wrong. I couldn’t help it. I fell, at last, deep and terrible. Even when I jumped, I didn’t even know whether we shared the mutual feeling or not. That was a risky jump, but I did it anyway. Did I regret it? Sometimes, yes, when this love feels too big to be handled by myself, when I miss the old me who was being independent, when I had to accept the fact that you were too busy to give me full attention. Yet, you are a miracle, an answer, a freaking gift, I am thankful to have someone like you whom I can say good morning to, tell how my days are, share secrets with, playing games with, being silly with, and I would still choose you in a hundred lifetimes.
This has been 5 months only and I still have no idea how come I could feel this way. It is scary to imagine how big this love gonna be in the future.
I did mistakes, yesterday, didn’t I? We have different common sense and perceptions and I should have asked you about that. Again, I am terribly sorry for causing you headache and for not telling you about that. It is a new challenge, isn’t it? Perhaps we’re gonna encounter it again later. Perhaps we’re gonna fight again. Perhaps we’re gonna be selfish again. But, you know what, I am fine with that. As long as I do it with you, following things don’t matter. And even if I have to give up my current common sense about this world, I am fine. You’re with me, that’s all matter.

With faith,
Rosa Azazil

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