Remember how I used to organize my blog so good for my fanfiction, K-pop news article, those good looking all-hail-six-packs-jawline-pretty-face men, poetry, my thoughts about stuffs, and my not-so-important diary. The last one wasn’t the main content of this page, tho. And now, since I know NO ONE will understand how I feel and I will only piss off people if I keep telling them the same stories over and over again, I’ll just write them right here. So yeah, people, if you read this, feel free to judge me and my grammar and whatsoever because honestly I don’t care about judgement anymore. I just want to let everything out because hell… THIS IS SO SUFFOCATING!

See the title up there? Yeah, it’s patience. Do you know what that means? Yeah, we all know. It means having to wait something to happen, or holding on in the situation in which they need your strength, or being not angry when someone is doing something annoying to us, and so on. I am too lazy to list them up here. Understanding what that means is really really different from actually being patient. When you start to lose the grip, you tellย  yourself to wait and to believe. When you start to be hesitant in your position, you tell yourself to wait and to believe. You tell yourself A THOUSAND GOOD THINGS that will happen if you keep being patient. Yeah, your-good-self understands. But, hell, your ego is a bitch. It keeps telling you “you have something far better along the way” and other similar things so that you’ll give up. And well, being someone with too much heart to feel things is sometimes a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that you’ll be angry so much with the fact that you must BE PATIENT but at the same time you’ll know that what you have right now is damn too precious to be given up on. The curse is… well.. you’ll be angry a lot which is okay because your TOO-MUCH-HEART will prevent you to do something stupid. Complicated? Huh! You have no idea.

Actually, being a monk is somehow more possible right now. Maybe I should just go to some mountains and spend day and nights there without eating and drinking so that I can forget the pleasure of the world.

So, what’s the point of this entry tonight? Honestly, nothing. I just want to let it all out. If you read this, I am sorry that I cannot give back your precious minutes for reading this ๐Ÿ˜€

That’s all from me. I probably will write some stories after this or just watch some movies.


Rosa Azazil

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